Iceberg to Arugula

Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.                                          

MFK Fisher

So how much time do you spend eating dinner?

A recent dinner at my house went something like this:

Participants: Myself, my husband, our 4 year old son and assorted cats milling about.

Husband: focused on his plate and making a range of mmmmm sounds.

Son: Chattering something about Dora the Explorer and a tennis racket….(not real sure where he’s going with this).

Me: “So how was everyone’s day?”

Husband: “OK”

Son: “I don’t like this”

Me: “Of course you like it, you ate this last week.”

Son: (Making faces at his veggie frittata, stabbing at it suspiciously) “I don’t like it. It has red things in it.”

And….

A scant 15 minutes later everyone is gone from the dining room except me, staring over the picked over remains of a once proud table full of food.

As a family, we’ve decided to make it a priority to eat at least one meal per day together. The point is to talk and get to know each other better, develop stronger bonds and encourage healthy eating habits.  While the snippet of conversation above shows we did indeed have a family dinner together, I’m not so sure our mission has been accomplished.

As a result, I’ve spent some time lately pondering the difference between eating and dining.

Eating is simply putting food in your mouth, chewing and swallowing. The type of food is of little concern. Eating may be done alone, in groups, in a car or just about anywhere else you can shove something in your mouth and begin the digestive process. Very simply, eating is necessary for survival. Period.

Dining, on the other hand, is what MFK Fisher is referring to in the quote above. Dining suggests more of an event in which eating is elevated from a necessary biological process to an entire pleasurable experience that involves many, if not all the senses. The nourishment of dining goes well beyond the food that’s on the table. It comes from the connection, communication and understanding of those sharing in the meal. I also think that when you dine, the food becomes more important because you are more aware of what you are eating……..and, yes, even humble meatloaf can be the star of the show if you set the stage correctly.

Here are some strategies we have tried with great success. Our mealtimes are much more fulfilling now and quite honestly….fun!!!

Step One- Preparation:

1. Pick a day of the week to plan your weekly menu as a family. Post the menu in the kitchen, this way, everyone has ownership and interest in the process…which enhances conversation. Use old family recipes or pull out the cookbooks or check out the internet for ideas. I like Simply Recipes for easy family friendly ideas.
2. If possible, have the entire family participate in preparing and cleaning up after the meal. This helps increase family socialization time while preventing the burden of work from landing on one (Mom) person. It also makes clean up go faster (yay!!)

Step Two- Set the Stage:

1. If the TV is on, turn it off, some low neutral music (Smooth Jazz, Light Classical) is ok.
2. Ban cell phones and other electrical devices from the table.
3. Turn off the ringer to your telephone (you can turn it back on later!)
4. Try dimming the lights a bit and setting out some candles, it doesn’t take much time and it helps the meal feel more like an event.

Step Three- Dine!

1. If dinner conversation beyond “How was your day?” doesn’t come easy, here are some resources: 

• We have had good luck with the Family Time Fun Beginner Dinner Games because they encourage interaction. Check them out at www.ftfgames.com. I find my son is not so anxious to bolt from the table if we pull out the “Dinner Card” game.
• For older kids, I like  The Book of Questions By Gregory Stock, PhD. It invites lingering thought and discussion at the table, and allows you to get a better feel for how your family members think. There are also kids versions in this genre including KidChat: 222 Creative Questions to Spark Conversations by Bret Nicholaus.
• A blog posts from What’s Cooking and Liz on Food with some really great suggestions.
• Because we have a little one, sometimes we just invent silly games such as one person starting by saying a word such as “boat” and then we go around and everyone has to come up with a word that rhymes. (moat, goat, vote….). Use your imagination and don’t be afraid to be goofy.

One of the things I’ve found myself saying to my son over his 4 years when I’ve tried to get him to eat something is. “You should try it because I made it with extra Mommy love.” Sappy? Maybe, but I do mean it. I love to cook but I also love feeding and nourishing those I love. Dining is an extension of that intimate familial love and caring.

Slow down….stop….talk…..dine……and love.